College Faith

I got saved in college. Sophomore year: I gave my life to Christ. It was the most powerful thing that’s happened to me. I went from a life of partying and multiple partners to this strange attraction with holiness and the Holy. It was awesome.

I think I was pretty radical about it all too. I told all of my drinking friends about Bible study, I found most of my previous girlfriends and told them about how much Jesus loves them, and was completely willing to be a fool for Christ. I prayed, fasted, witnessed, worshipped, whatever.

Now, as I’m removed from college by 8 years, I think about that passion. Where is it? Where did it go?

Don’t get me wrong, I am completely in love with my Saviour and desperately want to please Him, but these days I find myself more…I don’t know…calculated. Studying the Bible is more of a discipline now and praying with radical faith is not as easy as those dorm-room days. I’m wondering: have I “backslid-den?” Am I being tempted more now with the “world?” Or is my faith actually deepening and maturing in ways I just can’t see?

When I think about it this way, I start to wonder about the fruit of the Spirit. You know: love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, goodness, self-control, gentleness. I do see more of these things in my life now than in college. But those aren’t as attractive as fire, drive, power, and being “radical,” are they?

I know I’m not perfect. I know I haven’t arrived yet. But I don’t want to love God solely with “all my heart and all my strength.” Yes I want that, but I also want to love Him with “all my soul and with all my mind” (Luke 10:27). Is there a balance? Is there a blend that I’m missing, or am I in fact on the right track? How do we push forward towards the fire and the fruit; the heart and the mind?

Thoughts?

Honestly,
Steven

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laurie
    May 24, 2011 @ 11:44:14

    I think you’re on the right track when you think of developing the fruit of the spirit now. I had much the same experience, and now is the crucial time to work at a faith of depth and substance. As in any relationship that’s not ‘new,’ we have to choose to keep investing the things that make love grow.

    Reply

  2. Pilgrim
    May 24, 2011 @ 12:47:43

    Quite honestly, this is a part of the reason why I have moved into the Orthodox practices. I believe that the Holy Spirit gave the early church a set of practices to help with this that was jettisoned during the reformation. I have already experienced many of the benefits of the practices and am now very sad at having been without them for so long. In recent months these physical and spiritual practices, though they may seem “stuffy” actually bring your heart and mind to the continual remembrance that Christ is REALLY WITH US. I think in your early years you had a very vivid sense that Christ was really really there with you, but over time we can forget that and our spirituality becomes an intellectual belief system and even worship can become just an emotional high brought on by good music. These are both different from being actually conscious that Jesus is real, he is really here and the Bible is actually a Holy Word from the actual Creator of the universe.
    This book that I just read solidified a lot of this for me:
    http://www.amazon.com/Thirsting-God-Land-Shallow-Wells/dp/1888212284/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1306255451&sr=8-2

    Reply

  3. Traci
    May 24, 2011 @ 13:09:47

    It is much like a marriage, or even life in general. There is such passion and power in the early years…. but as we mature, sadly, that passion becomes replaced with the reality of the day to day. However, as we mature, we just KNOW that HE is with us, through the good and the bad. That early belief and faith is replaced with a mature knowledge and love, shaped by years of leaning on him. And just like in a marriage, you have to keep “working at it” in order to not become bitter or complacent. You have to stay in His word!
    I think you are becoming a mature and Godly man!

    Reply

  4. Steven Andy
    May 24, 2011 @ 15:30:11

    Thanks Laurie and Traci! Faithfulness is sexy to God I think. 🙂

    Reply

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