College Faith

I got saved in college. Sophomore year: I gave my life to Christ. It was the most powerful thing that’s happened to me. I went from a life of partying and multiple partners to this strange attraction with holiness and the Holy. It was awesome.

I think I was pretty radical about it all too. I told all of my drinking friends about Bible study, I found most of my previous girlfriends and told them about how much Jesus loves them, and was completely willing to be a fool for Christ. I prayed, fasted, witnessed, worshipped, whatever.

Now, as I’m removed from college by 8 years, I think about that passion. Where is it? Where did it go?

Don’t get me wrong, I am completely in love with my Saviour and desperately want to please Him, but these days I find myself more…I don’t know…calculated. Studying the Bible is more of a discipline now and praying with radical faith is not as easy as those dorm-room days. I’m wondering: have I “backslid-den?” Am I being tempted more now with the “world?” Or is my faith actually deepening and maturing in ways I just can’t see?

When I think about it this way, I start to wonder about the fruit of the Spirit. You know: love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, goodness, self-control, gentleness. I do see more of these things in my life now than in college. But those aren’t as attractive as fire, drive, power, and being “radical,” are they?

I know I’m not perfect. I know I haven’t arrived yet. But I don’t want to love God solely with “all my heart and all my strength.” Yes I want that, but I also want to love Him with “all my soul and with all my mind” (Luke 10:27). Is there a balance? Is there a blend that I’m missing, or am I in fact on the right track? How do we push forward towards the fire and the fruit; the heart and the mind?